My husband’s sweet request as to where I’d like to hang the heart artwork he gave me years ago, was once again answered. “I’m just not sure yet”. Fact is that I don’t like hearts on the wall, on clothes, napkins – anywhere.
The only reference to hearts that is pleasing to me is the sense of the Lord’s quiet whispering that He’s been saying “Go love them for Me”. . . “Yes Lord, I will”. As I lean into His voice in the weeks that follow I realize that there’s a disconnect between my head and heart. Becoming a solopreneur two years ago facilitated my becoming more task than people orientated. Do good things, don’t delve into the hurt of others, just move forward, be positive and on and on.
God and my conversation continued and I asked Him to allow my heart to feel again, deeply. I remembered the prayer I prayed as a young mother, “Let me know how others feel, not just be empathetic”. He reminded me of the prayer the day I discovered my youngest daughter was mentally challenged. I felt that pain and could step into the hurt of others and my heart learned to beat with His rhythm of love. Now He asks me, “Do you know the cost of your renewed prayer?”. “Yes, Lord I do. Your grace will see me through”. I envisioned Him beaten, spat on, carrying a cross . . dying from the pain, being separated from love because of love. The extent of pain He endures I will never have and the measure that awaits me to experience I don’t know. That’s okay, because not living in Him and for others has a void that gnaws and hollows your soul to devastating emptiness.
Stepping into this place of abundance with Him, waiting for evidence of this new expression in me, I obediently set out to the She Speaks Conference in North Carolina. Arriving early I step into the prayer room where each attendee’s name has been carefully prayed over and placed alongside one of the names of God. I eagerly read each name looking for my given attribute of Him.
Tucked at the end of a table is a charming painting of a heart and there, all alone lies my name before it. No name of God, just the heart. I know He smiled, embraced me and drew me to His heart. His daughter, His servant, His leader. I felt His heartbeat.
Prayer leader Luann gave me the heart, which will join my other hearts in a prominent place on the wall. Constant reminders of new life and pulse as I “Go love them for Me”.
“May The Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and the steadfastness of Christ”. 1 Thess 2:5